NO ONE EVER TOLD ME MY KNEES WOULD SAG FIRST!!!!

By the only woman on the team

Here I am, well into my 40s, and my skin has managed to remain somewhat youthful, (I don’t look a day over 38!), partly because of good genes and partly because I stopped taking sun at 14. Thank you PUNK ROCK-you saved my skin! I have always taken great care of my complexion: I never went to bed with my make-up on, I used the best products money would allow (or my credit card would accept), rigorously applied sunblock…etc. Nonetheless, I do see the signs of aging on my face, neck, hands… hell-my entire body. However, the most startling place of all: my knees!!!


The week preceding my 40th birthday, I scrutinized myself in the mirror, every inch, from head to toe. Suddenly, to my horror, I realized that Father Time had taken up residence on my knees. I was shocked! They were sagging and discolored, like an old woman’s. “Why did no one tell me about this”? I asked myself, as I collected all my miniskirts to donate to Out of the Closet.

Once the initial shock wore off, I dialed my mother. “Why didn’t you warn me that my knees would go first”? After a moment of total silence, she burst out laughing. “Did I also forget to tell you about the stray hairs?” Said I: “Yes, mother, you forgot to tell me about that too. Is there anything else you’re holding back?” Returning to the mirror, once my best friend, I thought-Great! On top of these old lady knees, I now have to be on the lookout for stray hairs. But we will save that discussion for another time.


Several days after my 40th birthday, after countless conversations with my older girl friends (one should always have a few older girlfriends-both to consult with and to feel superior to), I turned to the Internet in hopes of finding out more about aging knees.

I know Nora Ephron has the “I hate my neck” thing covered, but to my dismay there is very little information or conversation about this forgotten body part further down the torso. Really, all that I found out is that there is a plastic surgery procedure (apparently Demi Moore has had it done-quelle surprise!) where they basically do a knee lift, leaving you with scars that I assume can be passed off as something that you did as a child, or perhaps blamed on a skateboarding accident. (Or a tumble in a mosh pit-thank you again PUNK ROCK!!)


Great so now I have to worry about how to pay for an eyelift, a facelift and a knee lift?? You have to be kidding me! While I have yet to succumb to Botox, Juvederm, or any of those other fillers on my face, you’d best believe I’ve made inquiries to see if these fillers have been injected into knees and what the results have been. Usually, the voice on the other end of the phone told me, “No we do not suggest these procedures for that particular body part.”


I guess I am destined to be the trailblazer for the anti-aging of one’s knees movement… While I am unsure if I can reverse the signs of aging, I am doing my best to forestall further deterioration. I have taken to caring for my sagging knees in the same manner I do for my face. They are exfoliated thrice weekly, I put a hydrating mask on them, every morning they are caressed with a rich moisturizer, and then again at bedtime with a greasy night crème in hopes of arresting gravity’s pull.

And I pray standing up from now on.


So ladies, still in your 20’s and 30’s, consider yourself warned!
Forget the neck: there’s a new frontier.

Your knees will show the signs of aging first.
Peace, love and moisturizer!!